At my loneliest point, I did what every lonely soul did once or twice in their lifetime – I tried online dating. Mostly I was just curious and wondering if I could still get it. Let’s admit it, it’s nice to feel wanted and desirable, no matter how much I despise the mushy stuff around it.
I tried several dating apps, just to compare each of them. Even though the apps changed, the pattern of guys I met online dating reminded the same.
We all have different personalities depending on who we deal with. We show what we want to show. No surprise that the online dating world is made up of different ones as well, that not always correspond with reality.
I’m gonna introduce you to the types of guys and their online personalities.
Let’s call them all MARK.
Online dating makes dating, in general, seems easy. In the first hour, I joined I was overwhelmed by literally hundreds of Marks making their move on me. I know it seems like I’m overexaggerating but the first couple of days when you join a new dating app you’re rewarded with a premium membership. Meaning you can see everyone who liked you. The number I remembered was 246 likes for me. In the first hour.
So many people seem to like my physical appearance. Where the hell are they in reality?
Being a young and (relatively) pretty girl at an online dating app is hell. Most of the apps have a notification system and even when you turn it off it’s impossible to make sense of the messages left for you. All of the matches, likes, and messages are in one group in most of the apps, and sorting them out gets boring and not worth it after a while. That’s the main reason I have deleted most of them. The apps should really work on a better filtrating system.
There are plenty of fishes in the sea, but oh boy, sorting them out is terrible.
I have a very specific point of view when it comes to love and I explained it in my Let’s talk about love article. I am a cynical, apathetic, stubborn woman but I’m trying to make sense of the whole dating thing.
There are 5 basic types of guys I met online
Cunning Mark is the type of guy who is not very attractive and he’s well aware of that.
To explain the basic dating app system to those unfamiliar. Basically, you browse through photos of people of your required sex, age, or location, and you swipe left or right if you like that person. If that person likes you as well it’s a match and you can start talking.
Cunning Mark messages you despite not having been matched with you. He likes you. You don’t like him. But he finds a way to catch your attention by appealing to the curious bitch in you. And man do I love a good tea.
He’s gonna slide to your direct messages with a question like this: “Can I have a personal question?” “You wouldn’t believe but I…” “I saw you….” “I heard you…” And they have you. You know it’s gonna be bullshit but you want to know anyway.
Cunning Marks are the second most frequent type of Marks in my apps. This group could be further divided into two other groups.
Firstly, the Marks who are surprised that the shit they just pulled even worked. Usually, they panic and the super intimate question they wanted to ask will be “how are you” and you lose all of the interest you had in them. Or worse – they start thanking you for paying attention to them.
The other ones go all the way and their charisma and easy-going personalities lead to great conversations.
This type has mastered online dating.
Super hot guy you matched with and started planning your future with. You already know how your kids gonna look like and how you’re gonna design your kitchen. But the guy never message you, or you exchange a couple of words and you realize your dreams were much better and you slowly ghost each other out. You’ll always remember him as the one that got away. It just wasn’t meant to be. The timing wasn’t right for you yet. The stars weren’t lined up right for you two and all that other crap.
It’s obvious that dating apps are more about finding someone to shag than to actually date. The nice ones try to pretend they want to talk first though. Not straightforward Mark.
This Mark will message you the time and location he wants to have you, in the first message they send. My favorites got to be “me and my girlfriend are looking for someone for threesome, you in?” messages. Or: “I’m into *this or that kink*, you in?” Some save time and just send you “check out my description” where they have listed what kind of sex they’re into.
You guessed it right. Straightforward Marks are most frequent in my DMs.
Everyone knows a fuckboy Mark. He’s charming as hell and always seems to say just the right thing.
Doesn’t remember a thing you said to him though. Repeats himself. Never calls your name. Talks in phrases. It takes a master’s degree to come up with a proper reply to his one-sided conversation. Accidently sends you a message meant to another girl he talks to.
It’s ridiculous to think the guy you met online talks just to you when not even you talk to just one guy. Always remember at least some keywords or take the effort and scroll a few messages back. It’s no that hard. Fuckboy Mark doesn’t even try. He’s got plenty of backups.
Everything goes smoothly. Seems like you two could really hit it off. He’s just the typical guy. He’s just one too many offensive things over the line and there is just so much you can tolerate. Almost mark has a strange power making you feel guilty when you call him out on his offensive behavior. It’s 2019 just don’t be a dick.
Sexism on dating apps should not surprise me, nor should I take it. I ain’t got the time to make a decent person out of you.
These 5 types of Marks rotate in my DMs in different amounts. From my sad experience if a guy doesn’t fit any Mark type, just give him time.
Meanwhile, have fun and don’t take it too seriously.
No hard feeling to all of the Marks I met online. It’s been great fun spending time with you. XO
Oof, online dating. That was a terrible phase haha
Good post keep it up 😊
Thanks for this bit of insight. I sympathize with your difficulty being a physically attractive woman and the amount of disrespect you have to put up with. It was the same in my day, but without the internet, or social media, not a big an issue as it could only happen in personal encounters and saying no was pretty much just ignoring the offender. I get that it is much harder and more dangerous now than it was in my day, 60-70 years ago. Dr. Bob
🙂 Oh my! Take heart, though. It’s surprising how often people meet the right guy when they least expect it. I know one woman who literally fell down the stairs and later married the stranger who caught her! My husband just showed up in my office one day to introduce himself as a new biologist in town. He wasn’t looking for me, specifically, but he found me…
As a Mark who has never been on a dating site, I think you are missing the best Marks out there by looking in the virtual world.
Sounds horrible. I did that once met the guy somewhere public and agreed to visit his home. He was very nice but he had so many dead stuffed things in his living room I wanted to go. He took me back to the restaurant but I would definitely stay away from any thing like that. My bad. I was fortunate that he wasn’t a bad guy. I am just not a fan of dead animals or kissing someone I barely know. Please be careful. It must be so hard for people out there today. It is normal to want companionship. I hope you get introduced to someone wonderful through a good friend. Great article for those looking. Thanks for sharing. Love J
I’m too old to have ever really been involved in online dating but I always enjoy hearing about people’s experiences. From your descriptions I’d suggest these character types are not too different from what you find with guys hitting on you out in the real world.
Good to get your perspective on it. Honestly I was always too paranoid to even attempt on-line dating.
Wow, online dating has changed so much. It sounds pretty scary in the dating scene now. I haven’t been online dating since 2012. Before it was all dating platforms like POF, lavalife or eharmony. Now you got all these apps that basically wipe out a majority of the platforms.
Blimey, with the amount of posts I have about sorting my head out post-relationship, reading this makes me glad I never gave Tinder a go! I’ve seen some horror stories unfold before my eyes some nights. As long as you find happiness within yourself, I say 🙂
This is definitely an idea for a similar post, just need a good generic Female name
LOL, great post! I am so glad I am not single anymore, I married my Mark!
I should have come across your article earlier before I got myself into the heartbreak.
“It’s been great fun spending time with you” hahaha right.
“You’re gonna design your kitchen “, I like that, very funny 😂
After reading your post I have just discovered another good thing about being old.There aren’t many of them so thank you for that. 🙂
I can’t even set my phone up for emails so if I’d had to select a partner on line i’d be fated to die old and lonely.
Good luck with the future.
I can relate too well. I only gave internet dating a go for a little while. Time is too precious to waste on “Mark’s”. Instead I decided I would go out and meet people doing things I wanted to do and if I happened to meet someone, great. If not, I was still having fun (not wasting my time). And that’s how I met my husband – at dance classes 🙂
That’s so lovely 🙂 thank you
I want to say, “Noooo, they can’t all be this bad — this is very pessimistic!!” But sadly I gave online dating a much more thorough try, and you’re pretty much right on! (sigh) Plus I’m older so my single guy demographic is much smaller any many are also coming out of very damaging divorces which kind of warps what’s left of the really nice ones. :-E Too bad I don’t like dance classes! Lol. o.O
Thank you for your comment 🙂
I loved this post! Thank you!
Goodness, this triggered a series of flashbacks. I used it when it first started and it was horrible then. It’s sad they don’t know what they are doing. I am going to be extra nice to my husband from now on.
I loved it, Natalia! Funny, witty and I am sure it’s true. And thanks for popping by my nest 🙂
I recently wrote a blog about online dating too, I’m not a fan either.
I love this piece coz I can recognize the type of mark I am. Keep it up
This was pretty funny…and accurate. #AdventuresInOnlineDating
Very funny post but also bittersweet to hear it is such a minefield.
I am happy I grew up in the pre-online dating era. I met my wife in University.
Online dating is the perfect techno-paradox – it promises unlimited choice, so many people who want to know you, but in reality you spend your life in a room, on your own, filtering out crap.
In real life we can walk through a crowded club and filter out dozens of no-hopers at a glance. Online it sounds like it can take days to cut through the bullshit!
Thank you for your comment
Everyone has their “Marks”! Great post!
As a guy I had similar experiences and never carried it forward ; it all seemed so fake.