At my loneliest point, I did what every lonely soul did once or twice in their lifetime – I tried online dating. Mostly I was just curious and wondering if I could still get it. Let’s admit it, it’s nice to feel wanted and desirable, no matter how much I despise the mushy stuff around it.
I tried several dating apps, just to compare each of them. Even though the apps changed, the pattern of guys I met online dating reminded the same.
We all have different personalities depending on who we deal with. We show what we want to show. No surprise that the online dating world is made up of different ones as well, that not always correspond with reality.
I’m gonna introduce you to the types of guys and their online personalities.
Let’s call them all MARK.
Online dating makes dating, in general, seems easy. In the first hour, I joined I was overwhelmed by literally hundreds of Marks making their move on me. I know it seems like I’m overexaggerating but the first couple of days when you join a new dating app you’re rewarded with a premium membership. Meaning you can see everyone who liked you. The number I remembered was 246 likes for me. In the first hour.
So many people seem to like my physical appearance. Where the hell are they in reality?
Being a young and (relatively) pretty girl at an online dating app is hell. Most of the apps have a notification system and even when you turn it off it’s impossible to make sense of the messages left for you. All of the matches, likes, and messages are in one group in most of the apps, and sorting them out gets boring and not worth it after a while. That’s the main reason I have deleted most of them. The apps should really work on a better filtrating system.
There are plenty of fishes in the sea, but oh boy, sorting them out is terrible.
I have a very specific point of view when it comes to love and I explained it in my Let’s talk about love article. I am a cynical, apathetic, stubborn woman but I’m trying to make sense of the whole dating thing.
There are 5 basic types of guys I met online
Cunning Mark is the type of guy who is not very attractive and he’s well aware of that.
To explain the basic dating app system to those unfamiliar. Basically, you browse through photos of people of your required sex, age, or location, and you swipe left or right if you like that person. If that person likes you as well it’s a match and you can start talking.
Cunning Mark messages you despite not having been matched with you. He likes you. You don’t like him. But he finds a way to catch your attention by appealing to the curious bitch in you. And man do I love a good tea.
He’s gonna slide to your direct messages with a question like this: “Can I have a personal question?” “You wouldn’t believe but I…” “I saw you….” “I heard you…” And they have you. You know it’s gonna be bullshit but you want to know anyway.
Cunning Marks are the second most frequent type of Marks in my apps. This group could be further divided into two other groups.
Firstly, the Marks who are surprised that the shit they just pulled even worked. Usually, they panic and the super intimate question they wanted to ask will be “how are you” and you lose all of the interest you had in them. Or worse – they start thanking you for paying attention to them.
The other ones go all the way and their charisma and easy-going personalities lead to great conversations.
This type has mastered online dating.
Super hot guy you matched with and started planning your future with. You already know how your kids gonna look like and how you’re gonna design your kitchen. But the guy never message you, or you exchange a couple of words and you realize your dreams were much better and you slowly ghost each other out. You’ll always remember him as the one that got away. It just wasn’t meant to be. The timing wasn’t right for you yet. The stars weren’t lined up right for you two and all that other crap.
It’s obvious that dating apps are more about finding someone to shag than to actually date. The nice ones try to pretend they want to talk first though. Not straightforward Mark.
This Mark will message you the time and location he wants to have you, in the first message they send. My favorites got to be “me and my girlfriend are looking for someone for threesome, you in?” messages. Or: “I’m into *this or that kink*, you in?” Some save time and just send you “check out my description” where they have listed what kind of sex they’re into.
You guessed it right. Straightforward Marks are most frequent in my DMs.
Everyone knows a fuckboy Mark. He’s charming as hell and always seems to say just the right thing.
Doesn’t remember a thing you said to him though. Repeats himself. Never calls your name. Talks in phrases. It takes a master’s degree to come up with a proper reply to his one-sided conversation. Accidently sends you a message meant to another girl he talks to.
It’s ridiculous to think the guy you met online talks just to you when not even you talk to just one guy. Always remember at least some keywords or take the effort and scroll a few messages back. It’s no that hard. Fuckboy Mark doesn’t even try. He’s got plenty of backups.
Everything goes smoothly. Seems like you two could really hit it off. He’s just the typical guy. He’s just one too many offensive things over the line and there is just so much you can tolerate. Almost mark has a strange power making you feel guilty when you call him out on his offensive behavior. It’s 2019 just don’t be a dick.
Sexism on dating apps should not surprise me, nor should I take it. I ain’t got the time to make a decent person out of you.
These 5 types of Marks rotate in my DMs in different amounts. From my sad experience if a guy doesn’t fit any Mark type, just give him time.
Meanwhile, have fun and don’t take it too seriously.
No hard feeling to all of the Marks I met online. It’s been great fun spending time with you. XO