Hey. Valentine’s day is just around the corner and even though I find this whole day incredibly ridiculous and useless – on the other hand it is a great day for a capitalistic society. Love is an incredible marketing tool.
Chocolate, flowers, useless crap no one ever needs, and most importantly for me – fashion sales. It’s just mind-blowing how profitable this holiday is.
I don’t get the whole concept of “love” or more importantly the interpretation of love I’m most familiar with in real life.
From my personal experiences or watching my friends relationships I just don’t see this marvelous love, I grew up hoping for.
I grew up on Disney movies and that might have turned me into a strange kind of romantic.
I am hoping for love without a doubt.
For love, you are completely sure of with every ounce of your being.
For love that fits just right to your life.
For love, you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for.
For love that doesn’t change you.
For love that doesn’t make any other person miserable.
For love, you don’t settle for because you are lonely.
For the love that is a straight-up chemical in a way of your chromosomes clicking together as a perfect fit.
For love that makes every cell in your body know that this is the person that creates a formula of so-called “love” in your brain.
I believe that the chance of you finding your true love in this 7 billion people planet is very ludicrous.
That your soul mate speaks the same language, lives in the same city or even next door is just ridiculous.
That the love I’ve seen so far is just a choice affected by the social need to be in a relationship.
We want so desperately to feel loved that we accept the first next person who feels just as lonely as we do and label it love.
People call me cynical and claim I have no right to feel like this because I come from a wholesome family.
Yes, I get it – people’s opinions and life views can be formed by their background – that’s true.
My parents have an incredible relationship and I believe they are the exception. They met in an ambulance for crying out loud, fell in love, and made 3 incredible daughters.
That’s love and it has been for the last 25 years.
They were a genetically perfect fit to create the next perfect generation and the universe did its job for them to meet. They are my relationship goals and every relationship I’ll ever come across will always be in comparison to theirs.
Let me tell you about my first relationship.
I was 18 and never had someone to call my “boyfriend” and I personally wasn’t bothered by it but what bothered me was other people’s view of me.
But I hated the pity – like I was missing something out and everyone else had it.
So when my old classmate messaged me and asked me out I said yes.
Seriously just like that – the first guy to ask could get it just because of how left out I felt. I tried to convince myself that I liked him. He wasn’t a bad guy and everyone seemed so happy I finally had a boyfriend.
I was finally getting in line.
Every time we kissed I kept thinking “This is it? This is the big thing I was missing out?”
My daydreams of our relationship were much better than the reality. I expected too much I guess. Every time he touched me I cringed and I felt so relieved when we had to cancel our plans. I could go days without talking to him and never even notice.
The only good thing that came out of that relationship was that I was finally able to tell the world that I was in a relationship. That I had a boyfriend.
Except I didn’t want to. I didn’t want people to know, I actually felt ashamed to be in a relationship that felt so fake cuz it was just fake.
For me, it was like a social experiment.
How would it feel to have a boyfriend? I believe for him it was the same.
We grew up in a small town and our list of friends wasn’t that wide. He literally just thought about all of the girls he knew, discard the ones that already had a boyfriend and choose the prettiest ones and just tried his luck.
Lucky for him that girl was feeling just as lonely as he did and was so desperate for socially acceptable status.
Fun fact: a few years later he tried the same move on my best friend, even used the same pick-up lines.
They have been together for around 7 months, met like 5 times, decided they wanted to live together in my and my (former) best friend’s apartment, kick me out of my home, put me in debt, and all in the name of “LOVE“.
Then there were a bunch of guys but they all had one similarity. They all made me overthink – what would happen if I decided to date them. And that’s a deal-breaker for me – if it leaves me wondering what if? it’s just not right.
I felt jealous of other people’s happiness. How can they have IT and I don’t?
Until I realized most of the people are just faking it till they make it.
Forced love and I’m pretty sure I could spend my time more efficiently than trying to convince everyone else and myself that I am in love, normal, just like anybody else.
What I’m trying to say is that if the whole universe has to come together for you to meet the right person (and imagine the countless times it had to work its magic for your parents to meet and make you, their parents to make them, and so on..) it definitely won’t be for a guy who makes you feel worthless. Forbids you to have any other friends besides him. Gets jealous of your girlfriends. Cheats. Beats. Lies to you…
Otherwise, it’s just a simple choice, destiny is not real and you can just pick up a random person to spend your life with and act out everything you feel like you’re supposed to be feeling.
How romantic is that?
Just stop being so desperate to be in love and just live.
There is just so much more to do. To be. To see in this world than to dedicate your life to search for your other half.
It takes time to learn how to love yourself so much you don’t feel like a half anymore.
I wish you all so much love not only on this year’s Valentine’s day.
I wish you all find the love that gives purpose to everything that ever happened to you.
I wish you hold onto the true love you already have in your life.
Thank you so much for your attention
xo Natalia
Dear One, I will be eighty years old in a few days. I read all of your post here. I am happy to tell you that your words are magically apt for me and this damn Valentine’s Day period. I am lonely sometimes but never lonely enough to grab onto some poor soul and make their life miserable as well as mine.
Thanks for the timely message.
Peace,
g
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I read it again. Should be required reading for all. This line: “For love you don’t settle for because you are lonely.” Jumped out to me. I just ended a relationship. Rather, we both ended it amicably. I was in a better place sooner because I was not filling a lonely need.
Nice writing, Natalia.
So many thoughts, some cynical and others still holding on to the dream of an epic kind of love. Your post was refreshingly honest. I say more power to you.
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Very thoughtfully written. Thank you for sharing that wisdom.
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Love is a word that has been greatly misunderstood.
Honestly, you say some great truths here.
But, finding a person to share your life is something great. There is nothing wrong with that.
This is a very interesting post. I will share it to my friends.
Author
Thank you
you are welcome madame
I think we should not waist our time for the perfect love. Make good with what we have and what’s possible
Valentines Day, like Christmas has been perverted by the mass marketers. They say that if you love someone, you will buy them chocolate, flowers, a car, a house, wait what? Stuff does not show love. Actions, deeds, experiences and moments show love. I found love when I was not even looking for it. In fact, her father set us up………and then spent the next two years trying to tell me why I should not ask her to marry me. 43 years later, after 41 years of marriage, we are still in love.Is it perfect love? No. We have disagreements and arguments and sometimes we do not like each other, but, we love each other. I could not imagine life without her and would not want to be in today’s dating scene. You will know when you are in love, when you think of the other person’s happiness, before your own. Love is out there.
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Natalia, I have been writing a lot about love on my blog Balanceology.blog and my Facebook page, Al Johnson. If you get a chance and can read some of what I have written get back to me. I just read your Let’s Talk About Love – good job.
We should converse about certain subjects. Al
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This is a highly inspiring piece. I feel like you are speaking to me at a point. Keep up the great work. Love is real, love is who we are!
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Movies aren’t documentaries 🙂 The emotions in them are real as the special effects in a superhero movies. Real life situations aren’t wrapped up in 30 minutes like a sitcom, there is no sweet background music nor is the lighting as good 🙂
🐸🍵 yet again
Oh, the complications of love. You’ve presented them very well, appreciate the honesty in this post! 🙂 I think it’s something everyone can relate to at some point in life.
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You are refreshingly honest 🙂
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I had my valentines day long time ago, why is it we have to put a so called name to every day?
Happy late vealentines beautiful. O! Here you go!…….I know it´s a bit gay, I´m called Charly Priest.
SO ATMOSPHERIC, CHINA
That’s a honest insight about love..
This is so wonderfully written, and I identify with things you describe. Beautiful message you share too. I feel like I needed to hear this.
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The funny thing about love is that our perspective about it changes with age. A young girl wanting “love”. A young woman wanting “love”. Not quite the same as a woman beyond menopause or someone who does not want children…
Very true about the effect of social pressure and expectations…. Society has a lot to answer for…
I’m totally agree with your point of view here 😊
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This is a great post! I truly appreciate your honesty. I feel a lot of people needed to hear this especially today. One point really struck a cord. You said “It takes time to learn how to love yourself so much you don’t feel like a half anymore.” This is absolutely true. I hate when I hear people say “your other half” or “better half”. In no way were we ever supposed to be half. We need to be whole in our mindset for a healthy relationship. God intended for two whole people to come together as one
(Matthew 19:4-6) and when we take the time, as you’ve stated to do that we can create a relationship that’s long lasting and happy.
Love is in the air . . .should be somewhere . . .
Thanks for sharing these beautiful words
Just saw this today, Natalia. It’s a good, honest post. But, the romance writer and mom in me says: You never know when real love will show up! God always has surprises up His sleeve. Praying that a really, really good one will head your way. 🙂
hmm I think someone i know needs this….kudos to you
Hi, Natalia. I’m alone, so no need to celebrate Valentine’s, or even Christmas. I’m sad to say that because I’m a dyed-in-the-wool social, cuddly, romantic person. Being alone just doesn’t do it for me; but neither does being in a relationship made of loneliness, desperation and absolutely no common interest.
A lot of disabled people fall into this trap. I did. Several times. If only experience could change my desires.
I still need the warmth and companionship I crave, and I go years without it. I guess I’ve tried to fill the void with damn near everything I can think of. No dice.
So I write about the world I would like to live in. I create characters and build worlds where everyone loves each other. And I eat too much chocolate.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by my blog, 1TactileWriter. I will surely enjoy reading your other posts, though this one was the first to catch my interest.
Thea
Thanks for your work. You might like my post, Al Di La, or Rome Adventure might be its title.
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You are very welcome.